Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
