I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
