Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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