The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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