what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize