She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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