Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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