i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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