What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
