My balls are so social today.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
