That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
