well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How's work?
Spinning.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
