there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
