Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We have started to decorate penises.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
