On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
