just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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