in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
