I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
