Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
