And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
