Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
