Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
