drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
