By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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