Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
