I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
