Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
