The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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