i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
