yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
