last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
