I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
