So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
