just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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