we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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