isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
