she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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