I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
