normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm just crazy horny about you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
