Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize