Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
