I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
