so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize