I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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