Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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