So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
