I think scott just propositioned me for sex
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
