Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
