your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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