He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We need to get me chipped asap
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
