Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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