I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
