she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
