very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
