Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
