the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
