You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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