I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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