so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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