My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
