His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
