Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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