I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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