The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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