I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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