im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
