the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
