When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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