Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
