There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
