tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
