So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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