I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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