Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
