I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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