he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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