Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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