I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
