I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
