Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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