help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
