Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
