my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is Oprah even human
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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