I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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