Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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